Facts

-I still can't forget that time. Every now and then when I suddenly remember it, it still haunts me. To be honest, it still haunts me when I'm awake, when I'm with you. It haunts me and makes me a terrible person. I wonder why such horrifying memory exists ? Or perhaps, how can I defeat it and be stronger, for us. I feel so weak.

-I forgave you. Yet, I just can't forget. Trust me, it requires more effort than I've ever thought.

-I want to be alone for a few days, talk to my best friends, see if I can do anything about our situations. But in the end, I guess it's only me to blame on. I miss you a lot.

-I wish I just could drop that memory in the bottom of the ocean. But then, I'd rather kill it with my own bravery. IF I had such bravery.

-I wonder if I really love you or just love the feeling of having you. For the last month, I've felt like the 2nd.

-I am jealousy, selfish and a worry-wart. I am no good, ain't I ?

-I hope we can be honest, to ourselves, to each other.

-I hope I can see you with my own heart, not with just my own eyes. "Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing, it's ok not to be ok". Isn't that what I've always said ? It's harder said than done. To be truthful, you have always appeared to me as an innocent, pure, optimistic, child-like, vulnerable person. I also see that there's somewhere inside you that is yours only. You said that since I'm special, I deserve to know more about you than anybody else, but that somewhere is what I might not be able to touch. Frankly to say, the thing that I really want to know is how to flow with your thought and emotion, how to open the door to your trust, how to make you greater than who you are right now. It'll be such a privilege for me to know and accept that side of yours. And when I see that side, I hope I'll be the only one to be able to pull you back to the side you always have.

-As curious as everyone else, of course there's a lot of secrets from you that I really want to know. But then, now that I think about it, I'm so ridiculous. I mean...I want to explore more, but also have none of the courage to face the truth. I guess after all of the question and suspect, the only secret I've seek for is them to be shared with me by you with your own will and trust.

-I admit that I am scared to know that there's a side of you that I've never known of.

-You won't be judged. I will not judge you. Promise.

-I admit that I just want to hug you and possibly myself and tell us both that it's okay, that everyone makes mistakes, everyone has some dark sides, just don't let it win you, and let's learn how to control it, to not fear but fight against it, together.

-Trust me, I'll help you.

-It's okay if you have many faces or many masks to wear in different situations, in different group of people. I just hope when you're with me, I can see you for who you are, and you are you with your own sincere heart.

-I want to hold your hand.

-I want to hug and kiss the pain away for both you and me.

-I'm on a fight against myself.

-I don't like you making friends with gay people for the time being. Still, that doesn't mean you shouldn't. It is just my own fear and insecurity. I can not stop you from going to wherever you want to go, meeting whoever you want to meet. The truth is that now is different from the past. From what I saw (not what I knew), you didn't need to make friend with gay people in the past, you weren't that curious about being gay in the past. I can't help but think that our problems right now and how you act in the present is due to me and my behaviors, and it hurts. So in conclusion, it's not that I don't like you to make friend with other gay people, I just don't like the fact that the situation between us right now makes you want to find other people who are strangers to ask for help rather than solve it together with me or asking someone you know and trust. It's ok for you to have more friends who are gay, it may also be a good thing. It's just that until we solve our problems we're having, please focus on me more and try to find a solution to work it out with me instead of finding the answer from other sources. The answer lies within us, we just need to dig deep enough to find it.

-I hope that I can regain my trust for you. It's my desire right now.

-Please spend more time with me.

-Please take care of my heart more.

-I don't want to make you worried about me, but when you are, I really am glad. You have no idea how happy I was when you texted me that you were really worried about me when you knew I had been waiting for you outside your door for 1 hour just to see your face for less than 5 minutes. I was really really happy. At that time, I felt like I was something that's so precious to someone, and that someone wouldn't forsake me. Please love me like you're about to lose me.

-I am really happy when I'm with you. Even if there are times when I don't feel like it clearly, I still feel at ease and calm and something like "just like this is enough".

-Your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I want to protect that smile.

-There's something I've always told you and I hope you can believe me. You're a great, magnificent, wonderful, adventurous, good-nature, adorable boy, in other word, to me you're perfect. Sometimes I don't know if I deserve you.

-Please always remember who you are and stay true to who you are.

-Believe in yourself and your feeling.

-I will make you happy. I promise.

-We can do it, we can work this out together. We're gonna be stronger than ever. All that's needed is you staying by my side.

-I am such a bad lover, aren't I ?

-I hope to make you happy and love you like a lover, be generous and forgiving and able to teach you with the hearts of parents and talk to you like a friend who is trusted and needed.

-Please be mine, only mine.

-I love you honestly, sincerely, truthfully.

Glass

Nói trắng ra thì...lòng nhẹ nhàng hơn hẳn sau khi biết sự thật...có điều...lại thấy lo hơn...
Không phải lo chuyện bị quá khứ ám ảnh...cái gì đã qua thì đã qua...cái mình lo là...mình sợ mình sai...
Sợ là đã làm sai cách...sợ đang làm tuột đi điều mình thực sự yêu quý...
Sợ là luôn nài nỉ vậy...sẽ tạo cảm giác bất an...
Nếu ở bên 1 người mà cho bạn cảm giác không an toàn thì bạn có muốn ở không ?
Thực sự nhiều khi không biết bản thân làm sao nữa...

Bây giờ mong rằng những nỗi sợ hồ đồ của mình là không có thực...
Sáng nay ra gặp mặt em 1 chút mà thấy em không vui...có nét gì đó lo sợ...mặt mình buồn ngủ nhưng cũng nhận ra ngay...ngủ dậy rồi vẫn bị gương mặt lo sợ của em ám ảnh...

Lòng người thì cứ như thuỷ tinh, dòm cứng cỏi vậy chứ thực ra dễ vỡ, rốt cuộc cũng chỉ là phản ánh lại thế giới, và khi để 1 ai đó chạm đến thì thể nào cũng có 1 dấu tay in lại...

Ngồi nghe nhạc của nhóm nhạc em yêu mà vẫn thấy sợ sợ...nghe trúng cái bài của nhóm đó mà cảm thấy bản thân rất thích và có ấn tượng đặc biệt quan trọng với bài đó...vậy mà g cũng thấy không an tâm...

Em vẫn thích tôi như vậy chứ...thích tôi hơn bất kì ai khác chứ ?

Veils

Sự thật thì...kích thích trí tò mò của con người...

Có những sự thật đáng ra không nên biết...

Có những sự thật nếu không biết thì không dễ tiếp tục được...

Nếu được chọn nói dối để không làm tổn thương và thà nói thật chỉ để tổn thương 1 lần thôi thì sẽ chọn cái nào ?

"Tôi sẽ không nói dối cậu đâu, Watanuki, vì cậu rất quan trọng với tôi"

Ừ...thì từ khi nghe Yuuko-san nói vậy, mình cũng tin là như vậy, vì nhận thấy nó đúng. Nói thật với những người mình cảm thấy thật sự quan trọng, hoặc ít ra không nói dối 100%...

Nhưng có lẽ sự thật không bao giờ là tốt nhỉ...che đậy vẫn là an toàn hơn nhỉ...

Thật sự bây giờ chỉ muốn biết sự thật cho nhẹ lòng...